Government Dialogue

I can't believe it, but after a gazillion hours I think that I am getting close to being done with all the necessary Federal and State government forms in order to successfully process payroll for Thought Ensemble. I had no idea that this process would be so involved and so complicated!! Part of the complication was the fact that we have employees in two different states, and each state has its own way of doing things. Why does the government have to make everything so darn difficult? I don't think you really want me to answer that question. Below is my interpretation of what each governing body I’ve been dealing with has said to me over the last several weeks (comments in parentheses are my personal thoughts in response).

Texas says: "You don't need to do anything until after you have actually submitted a payroll check. Then come back to our website and complete this one form and submit it. Here's the schedule of the four times a year you will pay your liabilities. You can pay by phone, by internet, or with paper forms, pick your pleasure. Oh, and don't forget...we will NOT take money out of your hard earned paycheck!!!"

Colorado says: "You must fill out this form now and submit it prior to processing payroll. We will then mail you a form back in the mail with your instructions on when to pay your liabilities (the form we received did not have a schedule on it but we did receive blank forms to submit) and account information. Oh yeah, and don't forget that we will take out a LOT of money from each and every one of your Colorado paychecks!! Just don’t let your Colorado employees compare their paychecks to your Texas checks, okay?"

Federal Government says: "You must file with us through this obscure website that you cannot find so you will have to get your highly paid accountant to tell you where to go in order to accomplish this task. We will then take our time mailing you a piece of paper with your Oh So Important PIN number that you will use to login to our fancy website. Hopefully you will get it in time to make your first MONTHLY liability payment (we got our paperwork the day before we needed to make our payment…phew!). Then, after that, don’t forget to make your HUGE monthly payments for Medicare, Social Security (which we will never see a dime of), and the all encompassing Federal taxes that go toward whatever we decide. But wait! That’s not all. As soon as you get comfortable with your monthly payments, we will change things up on you! Because you pay such large amounts of cash to us (and thank you for that BTW), we are going to UP you to the Semi-Weekly Requirements for payment! Yes, that means that instead of having 15 days to pay us after payroll, you will be forced to pay us within 2-4 business days. Lucky you! Now go out and make tons of money so you can keep paying us lots of cash.”

So here I am, hoping to finalize the Texas form (and wondering why I ever left Texas - they let me keep more of my money) so I can submit it and be officially complete with the “setup” process for all three governments (and now remembering why I love Colorado so much - the weather, the mountains). After that, it’s just a matter of keeping up with three different liability payment schedules. Thank Goodness for QuickBooks (and Outlook).