Tact. Are you born with it?

According to dictionary.com, Tact = Acute sensitivity to what is proper and appropriate in dealing with others, including the ability to speak or act without offending.

Are you born with tact or is it learned behavior? I don't think I've ever seen this as a measured personality variable which might indicate that this is not innate? How do you teach your kids to have tact? Or do they have to be on the other side of hurtful "dealings" in order to say to themselves, “I’m never going to make someone else feel this way?” These are the thoughts that have gone through my mind lately as I’ve witnessed acts of tactlessness, not only with myself but with others close to me. It made me start thinking about how I would ensure that my children have tact. How do you teach someone to have tact? And if you don’t start at an early age, is it ever too late for tact training?

If you know or work with someone who doesn’t have tact, are you still allowed to be offended by things they say? Or are we required to just suck it up and excuse their behavior, since “they don’t know any better.” I usually not come back swinging when it happens to me (it’s just not in my personality to do so) but sometimes I wish I had said something a bit more clever in the moment. There are two occasions in my life that stand out as situations where I was clearly dealing with an individual with no tact. On these two occasions, what was said to me was so personally offensive that I was in shock. As the shock wore off, I actually tried to point out the error of their ways and continue polite conversation in order to try to get them to see how offensive they were being. On both of these occasions it didn’t seem to work. It’s been a while since both of these situations occurred and I’m still in touch with both of these individuals (although our relationships were never the same). Neither of them seem to have a clue as to what happened.

What needs to take place in order for the individual without tact to recognize that he/she does not have tact? Do they need to lose friendships or get passed up for promotions? Does someone need to point it out to them? I’ve never heard of an organization including tact training as part of their organizational training catalog. If anyone out there has, I’d be very curious to know what was taught and how it was discussed. It is my personal opinion that having tact is not something that is only useful in our everyday lives, it is extremely useful in the workplace. However, I’m certain that there are probably countless executives who are considered to be extremely successful who could probably use a lesson in tact.

Work Ethic. What does it mean to you?

When I was in Hich School, if I got an ‘A’ on my math test by paying attention in class, absorbing the material, and only studying for an hour, was that considered acceptable? Did anyone tell me that I needed to study more hours? Did anyone tell me that it didn’t matter that I received an ‘A’ or that I wasn’t working hard enough? I don’t remember anyone ever telling me that. Did anyone ever tell me that I was spending too much time playing sports or being too involved in other extracurricular school activities? I don’t think I ever heard that either. In fact, it was common knowledge that if you wanted to get into a good college, you needed to show that you were a well rounded individual involved in various activities and not just focused on academics.

So when does this all change? When do we start thinking that filling up our entire day with as many hours of work as possible is a good thing?

I was watching an interview with America’s highest paid television host the other day and they showed a little clip of how busy he was every single day, going from job to job to job all day long. The camera comes back to him and he explains that he has always been this way, that in the beginning of his career he would work all day and then all night at another job. The interviewer appears to be smiling and then softly says to this television host, “that’s called ethic.”

Ethic? Really? So in order to have a good work ethic you must work many hours every single day? In order to be a good student I should have studied for hours and hours every single day? People in the workplace talk about Work-Family balance, but how many truly value this concept and live it? How many people are proud to say they do not work insane hours? That they have a balanced life? That they are well rounded? Shouldn’t it be about the effort that you put in while you are working and the outcome that you produce while you are working, and NOT the amount of time you put in?

Why isn’t there such a thing as a Life Ethic? Or Family Ethic? You never hear anyone talk about that.

Why are people so obsessed with talking about how much they work as if that’s a good thing? I’ve heard people talk this way my entire adult life and it has always bothered me. Here’s what I think: I think that people who work too many hours in a day and too many days in a week are called workaholics. I believe that having a good work ethic means that you show up on time, that you value what you do, that you work hard while you are at work, that you work to the best of your ability, and that on occasion you might need to work extra hours in order to get things done. I believe in effort and results, not appearances.

What does ethic mean to you? Do you think you have a good work ethic?