Can this quote really be true? This was posted on my Facebook wall from a page I "liked" sometime last year. I saw it hours ago and can't stop thinking about it. I think this would make a very interesting discussion with some of my friends over a glass of wine. At first I thought, "Wow, that is sooo true." And then I thought, "Wow, that's actually rather sad if that's really true." And then most recently I realized, "Actually, it depends on what you are talking about."
I know you can probably say that about most things but I really think it's true when it comes to this quote. For things you can not change it can be very true. I have been getting regular updates from relatives who live in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil regarding family friends who live in Friburgo, one of the towns completely obliterated by the mud slides. The photos are horrific and the stories of broken families even worse (including the man who lost his wife, kids, siblings, aunts, uncles and parents when the house they were all renting for vacation collapsed and he was the only one not present at the time). Other tragic events that have affected me on a personal level are what I immediately thought of when I first read this quote.
My second thought came after I realized that for one instance in particular, "giving in" to acceptance would have potential negative ripple effects that might not be apparent for a long time to come. I thought of the definition of insanity, "doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result." Maybe for these instances, one should accept that a different result won't occur if nothing changes, but one has to believe that things will be different if the behavior changes. Hopefully serenity would come from no longer feeling like you are banging your head up against a wall.
Lastly I thought about the quote in relation to work, co-workers, your work environment, etc. and realized that it really just depends! An instance where it might be applicable is when expecting a co-worker, boss, or subordinate to magically increase their intellectual capacity or to do things differently when they have clearly shown a pattern for a particular behavior (this is not to say behaviors cannot be altered, but when the individual has shown no interest in changing, I wouldn't expect it to happen). I believe that in these instances people would be much calmer and serene at work if they simply accepted the situation (or people). However, if you are utterly miserable at work, should you simply accept it and you shall be serene? I don't think so. That is when you take action to make changes to your situation.
What other instances can you think of where this quote might apply or not apply?
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Interestingly enough, my married life pastor did a bible study centered around this concept about accepting your spouse for how they are, not how you expect them to be. It ended up being one of the best pieces of advice I've ever gotten about expecting things to get done. I think it is a male gene, or at least MY male's genes, but he just does not see when some household tasks need to be done. We've actually come up with a "system" that works for us much better and keeps me from getting frustrated or upset; I just ask him to do whatever the task is that needs to be accomplished or make him a "Honey Do" list. I know; it is ingenious! Who "would'a thunk" it?! I ask; he does! Don't get me wrong. I still wonder why/how he does not see when something like taking out trash, changing a light bulb, edging the yard, bring in the trashcan, get his stuff out of the car (Sorry, I got carried away.)need to be done, but I've accepted that he does not... And that I'm going to have to ask him to do it if I want help.
The second part of this acceptance is that if I do ask him to do something, I cannot expect him to do it my way (the right way). Hehe! I've decide it is best for me to accept the help as it comes, and then for me to go back and put the final touches on the task. We both win. By the way, I'm still working on this part. I'm from the school of if you are going to do something, do it to the very best of your ability and make your life easier down the road.
What do you think?
Wendy,
I love it! You are sooooo right. I also heard that a lot growing up from my mother who used to say, "I knew who your father was when I married him, why would I expect him to change?" It definitely applies to relationships. Like anything else, you can't take it too far (like if you are not in a loving relationship) but for most things like help around the house, romance, gifts, etc. this concept would really help a LOT of people!!
Great comment! Thanks!
Applying the phrase to individual interaction might be one of the instances where the phrase holds some validity. Acceptance is a key part of relationships.
I find the statement as a whole to be suspect, however. Serenity isn’t a synonym for happiness. There’s a peaceful, tranquil connotation to the word. That’s all neat and everything, but we shouldn’t confuse the two.
The simple feeling of serenity probable CAN be achieved through acceptance, but is that necessarily a good thing? Serenity could very closely be associated with complacence. There are certain things we shouldn’t accept. A key component of that Serenity Prayer that’s knitted on everyone’s Grandmother’s wall asks for “courage to change the things I can.” Changing things isn’t acceptance.
Personally, I’m happiest when in pursuit of something. It’s just my personality type. I understand that there has to be a balance, though. Some people find the frenetic upheaval associated with goal driven individuals to be very unpleasant. On the whole, though, I find the concept of positive change to be more attractive than acceptance.
Check back with me when I’m in my 90’s. We’ll probably all think Serenity is a lot more palatable from a rocking chair.
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